Cousin Sisterhood

What is "cousin sisterhood"?

I hear you, but hold that question. First, a little background, then I'll go there - I promise.

My immediate family is small, and I'm the only one left of the family I grew up in. I had two sisters, but no time to get to know them. One sister moved to Heaven before I was born, and the other one joined her there when I was three years old. Both parents are now enjoying forever with my two sisters in Heaven.

But I’m far from alone. I have a great relationship with my adult son (which is a miracle from God for another blog post), and I have a large extended family. As in super-sized. They are wonderful.

Within my extended family, I’m continuing to learn that even though I’ve always looked at life as an only child, I have access to sisters, here, with me. Not literally, but figuratively, in the form of wonderful girlfriend cousins. Quite a few of them.

This past April, several of us took a trip. As in 16 of us. Together. For a long weekend.

Awesome.

The Long Held Tradition:

For many years, my mom, my aunts, and several of their daughters (my cousins), went on a trip every year to Branson, Missouri. My cousins went with my mom and my aunts to care for them and ensure they stayed safe and well. They all enjoyed some time away and time with each other every year. They had many adventures on these trips, most of them wonderful, and all memorable. Every adventure served to deepen the close relationships they all shared. This time of togetherness was so special to all of them. I could never go because I worked, and any vacation time was set aside to spend with my son who was a child at the time. But oh how my mom loved going! It was truly one of the highlights of her year. She always looked forward to it.

My mom was the quintessential people person. This trip fulfilled so many things she loved. Spending time with her sisters and nieces and going full on all the time with them was the best thing ever. My mom loved to have fun, and this event was her favorite kind of fun at the highest level. It was such freedom, being able to get away and visit and talk and laugh and be silly without the daily grind, and without my very lovable but serious minded Dad looking on. Yes, it really was a dream come true for her every year.

On the other hand, I’ll be honest - it sounded exhausting to me because they stayed super busy the entire time. I was secretly relieved that I had good reasons I could not participate. I hate to admit that, but it’s true. Back then I did not appreciate the importance of extended family.

This tradition continued uninterrupted for many years, but then came a time when it was obvious that it was no longer safe for the older generation to go. Sadly, the traveling ceased, and the long held tradition ended. As time went on, all of our parents and aunts and uncles passed away. A generation passed on.

The New Tradition

Since then, there has been talk of starting up this tradition again, but with my generation as the older generation. Bringing in our young ladies who are my generation’s daughters and nieces and cousins - the generation under us. There were enthusiastic discussions about doing this, but nothing was ever planned.

Until this year.

I have a wonderful second cousin who is all about the importance of family and what she calls “making memories”. She was the spark that kept this idea burning, and after some time of discussion with no action, she stepped up and initiated the huge task of planning and organizing and coordinating a trip for this year. She is nothing short of amazing, and she is the only reason this tradition began again. She lives out what it means to reach out to others and be others focused. I would say I want to be like her when I grow up, but she’s a "few" years younger than me. 😊

She sent out a group text pitching her ideas, and the response was overwhelming, pulsating with joy and excitement about doing this. That was great. Except…

Me.

I love my family. I really do. And I have learned gradually over the years how very fortunate I am to have a huge extended family where really caring about each other is the unified focus. There are no hidden agendas or manipulative games. We are all human and while we don’t care for each other perfectly, we all see this as a priority.

That said, I’m so different from my mom. I’m pretty much the extreme opposite of her personality. I’m not a people person, a social butterfly, or a person who dives in all the way to have as much fun as possible. No, I’m the one who identifies fully with a Peanuts cartoon a friend sent me years ago:

Yep, that’s me. Going on a trip with 15 girlfriend cousin sisters did not appeal to me. "Too peopley". I love these cousins, but many I didn’t really know on a deeper level. And being thrust into a setting with that many people, not really knowing several of them, was far out of my comfort zone, which, by the way, is very cozy. Also, having activities planned that I had never done before added to the unknown element here, and unknown is one of my arch enemies.

But I’ve learned that because I tend to be afraid of so many things, I have to push myself at times to infuse my life with some variety and focus on what’s more important than my comfort. I must make the choice to push through the fear at least occasionally, to keep me stretching through it to the other side which is usually more wonderful than I could have imagined.

So I pushed. Hard. And I’ll admit I went through my well-worn pattern that tends to happen every time I push myself to do something anxiety provoking. I started out OK, but then quickly got to a point where I was asking myself: “What on earth am I doing? Why did I ever think this was a good idea?”

So there was that familiar but hated process on this trip at the beginning. But with a little more time, I stopped white knuckling everything, and I gradually began to enjoy myself some, with some sharp edges that I still rubbed against off and on. As more time passed, the sharp edges got more and more worn down, until finally, I could feel sort of relaxed. And it was then that I realized with a shock that I was actually having some fun! My dad was serious- minded; guess who I took after? I’m super serious, studious, and a deep thinker/over analyzer perfectionist. I'm a mess. But my cousin sisters love me anyway.

Anxiety - it’s been a lifelong struggle. I am usually glad when I push myself to do what I want to shrink away from, when I realize that some things are worth sacrificing some comfort for, and I force myself to participate in something scary.

And this time was one of those glad I pushed times - one of the best. It was definitely worth it. It was a wonderful time of fellowship, sharing, and growing closer. It was a time of getting to know some beautiful ladies I have always loved as family but really did not know well. It was adventure that was (mostly) a lot of fun, and that’s saying a lot coming from me. And there was a sense of comradery within this group of ladies that still remains and will only increase as we keep doing things together. And we will. The younger generation has already stepped up and is tossing around ideas for next year.

I’m an only child, but I’m part of a sisterhood… I gratefully belong to a sisterhood of the best cousins ever.