Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Is 43:19 ESV
I had this dream that God placed firmly within my soul two years ago. And I’ll share something way cool - when I say two years ago, I mean exactly. Because today, June 14, 2023, is the two year anniversary of what brought on the dream.
God is good like that.
Many of you, my wonderful readers, know that 2 years ago I went through the hardest season of my life.
But for anyone who doesn’t know, in a nutshell I was thrust into the role of caregiver for my dad with no clue of just how clueless I was.
And from that first day of caregiving when I had just begun to realize what I signed up for, an idea began to form. An idea from God. And as the days went by, the idea became a deeply longed for desire – a dream.
I longed to write a book about what I was going through, because I felt that surely there were others who were experiencing or would experience at least some of what I was, and I wanted them to know things I didn’t know.
And then, this god given dream grew to encompass not only caregivers and future caregivers, but also anyone going through a tough struggle - anyone who could read of my experience and feel seen and known and loved.
And I thought about the effect this could have on readers:
What if people could benefit from what I wrote so that they understand that God is always faithful, always compassionate, and always loving, even if you feel completely abandoned and you don’t have the energy to filter your desperate heart cries to Him? What if people could learn some things they may not currently know that could be helpful to them? What if people could read my heart on paper and realize they are not alone in deep dark hard times? If that could happen, how wonderful, how totally God, that would be.
A few months after my dad passed away in October of 2021, I began the process of writing what would become a book. I started with my over 100 pages of typed up journal entries, going through them all and seeing which ones I might want to include. This practice was painful and hard. But it was also cathartic. And I found that some journal entries during all this hard were positive, little glimpses of light in my darkness. I remembered all the tough times, but I also remembered the little victories that were huge to me because I would latch on to anything positive and hold it close to briefly lessen the ongoing angst.
I had some ideas about how to get started, but I had no idea how to get this going toward a book. A little while after I started this process, God orchestrated through a friend of a friend for me to hook up with a wonderful person who helps people self-publish books. And after our first Zoom call in April of 2022, I had a plan, a general framework of how to do this brand new thing I’ve never done.
Then I started really pressing on through writing out this dream. By August of last year, I had most of it done. But then I had a few interruptions where I had to put this on the back burner. Downsizing and moving to a new (to me) home. After a few months there, water damage in said home and dealing with remediation and insurance and repairs. But I was on God’s timing, not mine.
I finally finished my first manuscript at the end of last month. I sent the first draft to my publisher/editor on June 1st. I felt confident that I had read it and re-read it and made every possible change to make it as good as a first draft could be. But hitting send on that email was nerve racking. And then I waited. She was kind enough to respond almost immediately to let me know she got it and give me an idea of when she could respond. But I was still on pins and needles in the waiting, because all my insecurities came flying to the surface.
What if it isn’t good enough? What if she reads this and just sends it back and says I must start all over because it has so many issues she can’t work on editing it? What if she’s so busy now she can’t get it all edited for a year? What if she decides to retire and I have to find someone else?
I’m really good at “what if’s”. But God is oh so patient with me. Thank God.
This morning, in God’s perfect timing, on the 2 year anniversary of my caregiver journey, she responded. Positively. What? Really? Yes, really.
And I signed an editing contract. (Eek!!! Woohoo!!!)
And this is now official. So now I can officially share that I have a book in the works! I’m nervous and scared and excited all at the same time.
I will keep you posted as this dream continues to unfold. God is bringing it to fruition.
God is amazing.
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