It's still all about words. In my world where words are continually fascinating and such a big part of my life, a writing about the subject of my inborn passion can't be contained in just one blog post. So, here is part 2. :) (Part 1 was posted 9/12).
Last time, I explored how words can have potentially life changing power. Their impact can be multi-faceted, like a ripple effect after throwing a stone into a pond. If we are talking about positive, encouraging, uplifting words, we can experience an enhanced quality of life. But the opposite is also true. Negative, discouraging, hurtful words blasted at us from others can have devastating effects. If we dwell on them and give them ongoing priority in our thoughts, these words can become the impetus for who we come to believe we are, a distorted and shattered persona devoid of hope.
But sometimes, those harsh words swirling like a vortex in our minds don't come from an outside source. They aren't received from someone else, but created in the workshop of our own brains. Sometimes, we fashion what quickly becomes a viciously spinning, furiously flying scenario in our heads when we choose to believe the lies, yet know God's truth. I was an expert at doing this for many years, and I still struggle with it at times.
The following writing comes from a time in my life several years ago where a very stressful, painful, and difficult circumstance was all encompassing and toxic. My thought life was a mess. My entire life was a mess. Yet, even in the midst of all that, I knew what was true; I just struggled to believe it.
Believing the lies today.
Know the truth.
Doesn’t matter.
Believing the lies anyway.
They are swirling all around me in a feeding frenzy.
Feeding on each other and growing stronger and darker and louder
Yet they aren’t shouting. That would be wasted energy.
They whisper.
Inept. Incapable. Inadequate. Incompetent. Inferior.
And the whispers echo everywhere.
Over and over. Around and around.
My meager attempts to combat them with the truth I know
Fall flat and break apart into shattered pieces blown away by the windswept lies.
Defeated and overwhelmed, I find myself listening again.
Yes I know the lies are lies.
So why do I believe them and feel such assurance in what I believe that is not true?
I don’t know.
I can’t stop.
Not today.
Maybe tomorrow.
Maybe never.
Thank God that His mercies really are new every morning.
His faithfulness is infinite.
Even when I falter and fail and believe lies as if they are true.
Even when I cry out to Him for help and feel nothing and wonder
And doubt
And question
And long for peace.
I’m held
And loved
And enveloped in grace.
But I feel lost and afraid and confused
And
Alone.
Then
Glorious Light dawns. Shining, warming, helping me to see. New thoughts in my mind that open my heart to finally feel their truth.
I realize that this cycle of softly whispered resounding lies has me hunkered down, hiding, and setting up residence in a place I don’t belong.
Inept. Incapable. Inadequate. Incompetent. Inferior.
And it is here and now that the whispers are inexplicably pierced by silence.
Deafening silence that somehow has the capacity to shine brilliantly
Illuminating the darkness and bringing forth new truth that shatters the lies into tiny fragments of dust that simply blow away.
Yet there is no wind except a soft and gentle breeze that slowly stops.
Stillness.
And in the stillness, a calming, a comforting, a love like no other.
And one word spoken with incomparable compassion from the mouth that spoke everything into being.
Invaluable.
I am beyond value. There is no limit to my worth. I am continuously and forever loved unconditionally. Created just as I am for a purpose beyond my grasp yet within God’s plan.
A new day, with a new perspective, and a new God given strategic weapon.
The power of a word of Truth that speaks softly to the broken hurting longing places within.
"But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in him.'”
Lam 3:21-24
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